Oct. 31, 2019 | Domestic violence can take many forms. It typically involves abuse by a parent or guardian, a spouse or partner, and can range from physical abuse to sexual abuse. It may also include emotional abuse, such as threats, constant criticism and put-downs, and controlling activities and access to money. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one out of every four women and one out of every 10 men in the United States are victims of domestic violence at some point in their lives. It affects people from all socioeconomic, educational and religious backgrounds and takes place in same sex as well as heterosexual relationships. Women with fewer resources or greater perceived vulnerability, girls and those experiencing physical or psychiatric disabilities or living below the poverty line, are at even greater risk for domestic violence. Children are also affected by domestic violence, even if they don’t witness it directly.

Oct. 31, 2019 | Abusers use many ways to isolate, intimidate and control their partners. It starts insidiously and may be difficult to recognize. Early on, a partner may seem attentive, generous and protective in ways that later turn out to be frightening and controlling. Initially the abuse is isolated incidents for which the partner expresses remorse and promises never to do again or rationalizes as being due to stress or caused by something the victim did or didn’t do. The early signs of abuse can include a quick whirlwind romance, jealousy at any perceived attention to or from others, attempts to isolate a partner in the guise of loving behavior and pressuring a partner to do things with which they are uncomfortable. Domestic violence can lead to other common emotional traumas such as depression, substance abuse and post traumatic stress disorder. Abuse can trigger suicide attempts, psychotic episodes, homelessness and slow recovery from mental illness.

Oct. 31, 2019 | Some abusers may keep a woman from being in touch with her family and friends. Others may control her reproductive choices by trying to prevent the use of birth control. Many pregnant women are abused by their partners. The abuse may begin or increase during pregnancy. Abuse can pose a risk to the woman and her fetus. At this time, the abuser is more likely to direct blows at the pregnant woman’s breasts and belly. Dangers of this violence include miscarriage, vaginal bleeding, low birth weight, and fetal injury. The fear of harm to her unborn baby often may motivate a woman to leave an abusive relationship. In other cases, abuse may decrease during pregnancy. In fact, some women feel safe only when they are carrying a child. They know from experience that “he never hits me when I’m pregnant.” In these cases, however, abuse may resume shortly after the baby is born, leading to repeated pregnancies to escape abuse.

Oct. 31, 2019 | A male abuser often has a family background of violence and may have low self–esteem and low self–confidence. However, he may appear to outsiders as a fun–loving, concerned person. He may be very jealous of his partner’s relationships with others and blame his partner for his violent acts. Often, he has a problem with alcohol or drugs. This may seem like the cause of the problem, but it is really an excuse. The abuse seldom stops when alcohol or drug use does. An abused woman also may have low self–esteem and low self–confidence. Many women believe that they can control the abuser by trying to please him or by avoiding acts that make him angry. Abusers often tell their partners that they are to blame. Women stay in abusive relationships for a number of reasons. They may have conflicting feelings or they may be financially dependent on their abuser. Whatever her reasons for staying, the daily life of an abused woman is often hectic and scary.

Oct. 31, 2019 | If you have been a victim of domestic violence, the first step in breaking a violent pattern in a relationship is to tell someone. Let someone know you are abused so you can contact them in case you need to leave a dangerous situation. The person you tell may be a nurse or doctor, a counselor or social worker, a close friend, family member or a clergyman. At first, you may find it hard to talk about the abuse. But many abused women feel a great sense of relief and some sense of safety once they have told someone outside the home. Sometimes a woman who has been abused decides to break away from her partner for good. If this is the case and you are married to the abuser, get a lawyer who is experienced in dealing with abuse cases. Ask your doctor, counselor, or the staff of a hotline to recommend one. Feelings of shame are common at this point. Keep in mind that no one deserves to be abused. Remember, violent behavior is the fault of the one who is violent, not the victim.