Friendship

Dec. 8, 2016 | Like the hit song says, that’s what friends are for. Especially this time of year, friends are a valuable commodity, a source of comfort and inspiration. But is having good friends really good for you? A research study that followed nearly 1,500 older adults for 10 years found that those who had a large network of friends outlived those with fewer friends by more than 20 percent. One possible reason is that good friends keep you from doing things that are bad for you, like smoking and heavy drinking. Friends may also ward off depression and provide support. Another study of women with ovarian cancer showed that those patients with a lot of social support had much lower levels of a protein linked to more aggressive cancers, which in turn made their chemotherapy treatments more effective. A study of college freshmen found that those who claimed to be lonely had weaker immune responses to flu vaccinations and higher levels of stress hormones in their blood.

Dec. 8, 2016 | Good friends. Best friends. Just friends. All of these relationships are vital, according to author Tom Rath. Rath and a group of researchers took a long look at the value of friendship. His 2006 book, “Vital Friends,” highlighted the results of their research. According to the book, if your best friend eats healthily, you are five times more likely to have a healthy diet yourself. Married people say friendship is more than five times as important as physical intimacy within marriage. Those who say they have no real friends at work have only a one in 12 chance of feeling engaged in their job. But, if you have a best friend at work, you are seven times more likely to feel engaged in your job. Rath’s findings, based on more than five million interviews done by the Gallup Organization, also note that people who have a best friend at work get more done in less time. They also have more engaged customers and are more likely to innovate and share new ideas.

Dec. 8, 2016 | Making friends is not always easy, especially for children who are only beginning to learn how to build a relationship. If you have a young child, particularly one just entering school for the first time, be sure to talk to them about friendship. Talk with your child often about how friends should treat one another. Explain that good friends respect others, follow the rules, and help those in need. While it’s important to talk about what makes a good friend, it’s also good to identify which behaviors are not welcome. Do not focus on specific children and why they are “bad” and others are “good.” Instead, explain the values that you live by in your home, such as positive language, respect for others, sharing and playing fair. And be sure to be a good role model for your child. Demonstrating good relationships skills with your spouse or partner, and taking time to nurture close friendships with others, is as important as simply talking about these skills, if not more so.

Dec. 8, 2016 | Making friends can be difficult, particularly if you are new to your current area. The best way to make new friends is to get out and meet people. The broader your effort, the greater your likelihood of success. For example, try attending community activities like sporting events, theatrical productions, concerts, book signings or political meetings. Let yourself be seen and known in the community. If money is a problem, consider going to your local library and looking in the newspaper for listings of free events. Or consider volunteering. Strong connections often are formed when people work together on projects of mutual concern. When volunteering, you are already with a group of people with a common interest. You could help out at a soup kitchen, read to children in day care, visit people in nursing homes or deliver flowers in the hospital. You could bring snacks for the other volunteers and arrange a time to get together and eat with them for more social contact.

Dec. 8, 2016 | Once you’ve made a friend, how do you keep that friendship strong? One of the most important ways is staying in touch. Maintain regular contact with your friends and supporters, even when things are going well. Give them a call, send them a note or an e-mail. Always have a plan for your next meeting, whether it is tomorrow or next month. You will find that regular, scheduled contact is the best way to assure that your friendship will remain intact. Many people find it is helpful to plan ahead for times when they know they may feel lonely, like on the weekend, in the evening, or during the holidays. Plan get-togethers for these hard times at least several days in advance and, especially around the holidays, even further ahead. And don’t forget to spend time with your friends doing fun activities together. Some friendships get stale if all you ever do is talk about each other’s struggles. Go to a movie, walk on the beach, cook a meal, whatever would be fun for both of you.